Love, animals and a happy now.

UPDATE:

Janine Keijser, the author of Beproevingen (see below for more information) just told me that if anyone orders one of her books via this post, she will donate her proceeds (and double it!) to help me pay for Ravi's surgery! If you are interested you can buy one (or more) here. Don't forget to send her a message (email: info@animalhealercoach.nl or Instagram: @auteurjaninekeijser) to tell her you bought it via this post.

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November. What a month. It has been one of many ups and—no, let's rephrase that: many downs.

But instead of trying to depress you, I will try to show you the silver lining. I will start by telling you about Ravi, one of the best cats in cat history, who passed away a few weeks back. Next, I will talk a bit about the books I have read and end with an update on my writing progress (and I will even share one of my poems!).

Ravi "When people have to be their best... they can be. And that's what to believe in." — Alexander Calvert as Jack in Supernatural

This is probably one of the hardest things I have to write about, but I will try to tell you the story of Ravi.

It was August 2019 when a cute little kitten walked into my life. He was a stray, probably abandoned soon after birth, because he was so tiny still. At first, he was a bit scared, but with some patience (not even that much) he came to me and we were instant buddies. From that moment on, he followed me wherever I went. He was the funniest, most joyful cat I had ever met and he brought me happiness every day by just being himself. I think Ravi was so special, because unlike most cats (and people) I know, he had no restraints when it came to showing his feelings. At moments he would suddenly attack me with love, and whenever I felt sad, he would do something funny and bring a smile to my face. Many times, I told myself to cherish every moment I had with him, because I knew how special it was to have him in my life.

Sadly, about a month ago, he didn't come home. I searched for him a lot, but I couldn't find him anywhere. About a week later, he finally returned, practically dragging himself towards me, because he couldn't walk. I don't know what happened exactly (maybe he got hit by a car?), but he looked horrible. Despite his condition, Ravi was overjoyed (and so was I) that he was home. I don't know how he managed to do it, but he climbed up on my lap (I was sitting on the floor) and buried himself in my embrace, hugging his cheek against mine. It was a wonderful moment, that unfortunately, didn't last long enough. It was obvious that something was wrong, so I called the vet.

She told me the horrible news: Ravi needed surgery or he was going to die. The costs were very high (eventually it cost me about 6000 euros. Yes, let that sink in for a moment...), but I could not let him die. He was so young and deserved to live a long and happy life. I started a GoFundMe page, not expecting to raise much money, but wanting to try nonetheless. You all truly surprised me in the best way possible. I received over 700 euros (not a lot when you need 6000, but it's A LOT). WOW. Thank you all so much! I am truly touched by your kindness and generosity.

Many times I hear people complaining that we live in a world filled with bad people, but I don't think that's true. Yes, many people do bad things, but we are also capable of doing a lot of good. From now on, let us focus on that.

Unfortunately, we all know how the story ends. The surgery went well, but later on during his recovery his condition changed. I sat with him for over an hour, and then he died in my arms, his beautiful eyes staring into mine the entire time. I am thankful that we got to spend that last moment together, and I pray that he knew how much he was loved. Because he was. And still is.

I cried for a long time (I am crying right now), but in a way I also feel good, because I know how lucky I am for having been able to spend an entire year with him and for having been able to give him a wonderful year as well.

I do still need to pay for his surgery, so if you know (or are) anyone who can and wants to donate, please visit and/or share this page. Thank you.

Book reviews

First of all, I have to admit that I haven't read much. I read three books: 1. The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader by Ryder Windham, 2. Proslogion by Anselm of Canterbury and 3. Beproevingen by Janine Keijser. All four star reads in my opinion, and I will tell you a bit more about the latter.

Beproevingen by Janine Keijser ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

A while ago, I entered an Instagram giveaway held by Dutch author Janine Keijser and I won! When you never win anything (apart from the WakkerDier underwear when I was 13 y/o, that, by the way, didn't fit) it's really cool to win a book. It's even better when you win four! One of them was Beproevingen.

Beproevingen is about a woman named Lara, who is asked by an old acquaintance to help track down a missing activist in London. He wants to use her legal background and her witty take on things to not only discover the woman's whereabouts, but also to learn more about the dark practices he and his activist friends are trying to uncover. As Lara investigates, she gets deeper and deeper into trouble.

Meanwhile, she comes into contact with an interesting man, Colin, who works at the police department, but it soon becomes clear that he has a lot to hide. A breathtaking series of adventures unfold, in which Lara tries to uncover the truth.

I liked the book, mostly because it was written in a way that made you curious about what was going to happen next. Even though most chapters were pretty long, at the end of each chapter I wanted to read another one. The characters were fine, but it took me a while before I truly started to care about Lara. The moment I did though, I knew it was going to be a solid four star read.

What might not be clear yet is that the book is mainly focused on animal testing. I did not know this before I started to read, so it was a (nice? I can't say nice, right?) surprise. Anyone who knows me, knows I have been fighting against animal cruelty for years now, so I think it's really great that this book addresses it in such a big way.

I won't terrorise you with all the horrifying images, but I will urge you to find out more about animal testing yourself, either by reading this book or doing some research of your own. Search for all the pros and cons, because they both exist, and try to figure out for yourself whether it's acceptable or not. In my opinion, torturing anyone could never be justified, especially when most of the time it's pretty useless anyway.

What I also will ask of you is this (and it's really simple): the next time you buy a beauty product, make sure it is not tested on animals. I get the whole medicine problem (though I still think it does not justify animal testing), but buying beauty products that are tested on animals is just silly, don't you agree?

But how do I know if a product is tested on animals or not?

Visit the pages below, and you'll find the answer. It's that simple.

English: https://www.crueltyfreekitty.com/list-of-cruelty-free-brands/

Dutch: https://www.animalrights.nl/dierproefvrije-merken

Writing progress

I haven't been able to write much lately, because of obvious reasons, but I did have the time to reflect on life and what is truly important. Yesterday, I finally managed to find some time to write another chapter and I realised that my protagonist, Hayden, is at a similar point in his life, so in a way, it all fits perfectly.

We both realised that happiness isn't in someday getting everything that you want, but in cherishing what you've got today. It's in the people around you, your friends and family, and the experiences you have together. It's not about the happy ending, but about the happy now.

So thank you to everyone, who makes my now happy, even when it all seems so sad.

I will end this post by sharing one of my poems (the ones I wrote as if I were one of my book's characters). For some reason, sharing poems is a lot scarier than sharing stories, so I hope you will like it.

I wasn't sure what poem to share first, so I decided to start with the one that's about the first part of the first chapter. The context is this: Hayden is sitting on his bed, trying to fight the voices that have been terrorising him for as long as he could remember. When you are afraid of something, it's like there is/are someone/people talking to you, telling you all the horrible things that can happen, trying to discourage you and bring you down. Hayden is an extremely sensitive and loving person, but he is also incredibly afraid of losing the people that he cares about. On top of that, his emotions are all over the place, causing him to snap at random moments, and he is afraid that one day he will unintentionally hurt someone he loves. His 'voices' keep repeating this fear over and over again inside his head, only making things worse, and that's really what Hayden's poem's about.

The Voices Hayden Navarro

Always there

They don’t care

Ever defiant

Never stay silent

Making me violent

Can’t stop crying

They keep lying

Stop this violence

I need silence

Bloody knuckles

bloodshot eyes

soggy cheeks

as I cry

I still wonder

always ponder

as I tremor

Will it ever

STOP?

If you like it, I can share more of my poems over the next months.

Let me know what you think :)

Stay safe & be kind,

Annabel