What a book can teach you.

Have you ever read a book that taught you something important about yourself?

At the beginning of this month I read Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan and I liked it so much that I wanted to read more by the author. At this point I have read three of her books (and am currently reading a fourth) and one short story.

One of her books (Fever Pitch) introduces a guy named Aaron Seavers, and he reminds me of myself so much that it is almost creepy (okay, it is mostly amazing and I will never pretend that I don’t love it). He is kind, caring, creative, sensitive, empathic and…well…a complete emotional mess. (I mean: THIS IS ME.) But it was also the choices he made, the feelings he had and the thoughts that occupied his mind. It often happened that I was thinking something and then he would say or do the exact (yes, the EXACT) same thing. So…my point is that Aaron = me. Let’s keep it at that.

After I finished the book and started writing my review, I listed everything I loved about it. It wasn’t that hard, because it was a great book, but every time my mind drifted off to Aaron, because he was what I loved most about it.

I loved EVERYTHING about him. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. All his vices and virtues and each and every quirk. And then I realised that this actually means that I love myself. I mean, how cool is that? I really hope that doesn’t make me sound arrogant (but then, I doubt anyone would ever use the word ‘arrogant’ to describe me. Right?). Note to self: STOP OVERTHINKING AND ANALYSING EVERYTHING. Or no, wait. Don’t stop. Don’t you ever stop!

Why should I not stop? Because if there is anything I have learned from reading about someone that is so much like me and realising that I LOVE that person, it is that whatever I thought I didn’t like about myself I actually do like, because that is one of the things that make me ME.

But then I also realised that maybe we are all way too hard on ourselves. It wasn’t hard for me to feel compassion for Aaron, but I wouldn’t have been so kind to myself had I been in some of the situations he found himself in.

Imagine a book (or movie/game/tv series) character. Think about what that person would do in certain situations. Do you understand his/her/their behaviour, even if it’s ‘not good’?

Okay, let me give an example:

Lara (it was the first name that came to mind) has really crappy parents. They constantly judge her and tell her she’s not good enough, and they want her to get ‘a real job’ even though she wants to become a photographer. She’s actually pretty good at it, but she listens to them and goes to college to become a doctor. During her studies, she is miserable and everyone around her keeps telling her that she should stand up for herself and make her own decisions instead of letting her parents dictate her entire life. Eventually she finds the courage to go to her parents, (reader: “YES, YOU CAN DO THIS. I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU ARE AWESOME!”) but when she gets there and sees her parents’s judgemental glares, she gets so scared that she says nothing.

I can imagine that afterwards, Lara will be beating herself up over this a lot, and she will feel like a coward (I would). But do you as imaginary reader of this imaginary story judge her or be compassionate towards her? The latter, right? (I really hope so, otherwise this entire example is useless). Then why is it so hard to be kind and compassionate to ourselves when things like this happen?

I am not going to pretend that I have always hated myself and have now completely changed my life because of this book’s wonderful revelation. In fact, I have NEVER hated myself. But yes, sometimes I can be really hard on myself when I shouldn’t, and this book is a nice reminder of that.

I hope that this blog will remind you that you deserve compassion as well. Sometimes we screw up and sometimes we nail it, but it never changes who we are or what we deserve. In fact, we don’t become less valuable when we make a mistake. Aaron made mistakes and I still love him (and he is not even real!), so there is no reason why I shouldn’t treat myself (and you) with the same kindness and compassion.

We are perfect in our own weird way. Let’s never forget that!

Be kind (to yourself) and do good!

Love,

Annabel